I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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