Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
