We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
