Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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