I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
