I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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