Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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