I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
