How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
