she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
