I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
