I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
