Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
