Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
