Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
