I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
