I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize