I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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