ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
