So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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