Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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