Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
