Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
