Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
