he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
sex in a hospital.. check
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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