Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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