Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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