five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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