After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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