I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
