That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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