I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You smell like stripper and shame
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
