I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They have beer where we have blood.
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