Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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