You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm like, not good at living.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
