But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
