:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
