Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
