I wannas sexs uuuuu
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
