so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
