the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I love having hate sex.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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