I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
