Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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