Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize