Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize