I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I puked a lego.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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