so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
