i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize