Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
