PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
