if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
