I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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