What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
