Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
