You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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