when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
