I should be sponsored by Trojan
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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