i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
