do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
