It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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