my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
