how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
