I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
