ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
