dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize