Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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