I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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