he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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