I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
