2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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