The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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