after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
