Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
