My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
