I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
