i just wanna soil my oats bro
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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