There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
