hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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