Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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